Stuck in the Seatbelt

It's another foggy day today. Sort of fits I guess, suits my mood. I haven't felt like writing much, haven't even felt like taking a picture for Project 365 some days either. There's alot going on and I've been doing alot of thinking.

February and March (so far) have been kind of rough. Not terrible but like I said I've been doing alot of thinking.

We've had two funerals at church these two months. Two older people, where you knew it would happen sooner or later, but when it does happen you're still not prepared for. I guess I have to explain a bit that I really haven't had alot of experience with death. Sure, I've had some older relatives die, but I can count on one hand people that I have really been close to or somewhat close to that have died. The first was my great uncle who had cancer. One summer my grandparents took me and my cousins out to Colorado so I could see him...I was still in grade school when he died, although I don't remember what grade exactly, one of the upper grades, though not quite high school. Maybe jr high, I'm not sure.



The second was a friend and former church member of ours. He was driving home to his pregnant wife and two boys after work one evening and was killed in a car accident. There was alot of shock and"church politics" surrounding that situation (we didn't agree with some things that the new pastor was doing/teaching and K and I left the church and that caused a big commotion) and K and I were left feeling very uncomfortable at the visitation and felt like we were getting "the look" so we thought it was best not to attend the funeral and cause more hard feelings at our former church.



The third was my Grandpa, my Dad's Dad. Now this side of the family is not really close...so it didn't affect me as much as you might think. In all honesty I grew up somewhat afriad of this Grandfather and never felt quite comfortable around him.



The fourth was my other Grandpa, my Mom's Dad. Now this Grandpa I was close to. We lived with him and my Grandma when my Mom was in the hospital with Guillan Barre. Dad was working full time and we lived in the same town as my Grandparents, only a few blocks away, so this was just a natural solution. Even after we moved I would go and spend weeks at a time with my Grandparent's house in the summer. Grandpa was a janitor at the jr high/high school at that time and I went to work with him many times. He was the one who first took me to drive after getting my permit, and who I was pulled over by a police officer with...only to find out it was because my Grandma was looking for us (she worked at the hospital in town and needed us to drive to another town to pick up a doctor who was flying in the helicopter with a patient to their hospital...the doctor ended up not going and Grandpa and I had a fun roadtrip anyway!)

Now two funerals in the span of about one month. Both of these people were strong in their faith and prayer warriors. There is no question as to where they are now. But it stings. The second funeral was more of a "happy funeral" if you could call a funeral that....but we know she is in Heaven and there were some wonderful memories of her shared and some jokes...that's how I want my funeral to be....
It's also gotten me thinking about some of my closest friends and their health and losing them.
And to be blunt combine all this with that time of the month and I'm a mess!

I've also got a friend who I used to spend alot of time with, had a falling out with, and who has been working her way back into my life. Her oldest son lives with his Dad in another state and he has tried to kill himself three times. They had him committed to try to help him but his last attempt was in the hospital. This friend can't go to see him right now. She was in a car accident and is suffering from panic attacks and having a hard time herself in general right now.

I have another friend who is an adult living at home with her parents and having alot of trouble right now and has been talking to me quite a bit. Her parents, to be blunt, have pretty much told her that she's a disappointment and she's ruined the family. They talked her out of going overseas to be a missionary. I'm at a loss.

Another friend has been sick in bed with very high temps and the drs say a kidney infection due to e coli. I've been worried as you can imagine.....praying but worried.

So yeah, I'm not trying to be depressing or to beg you all to feel sorry for me, if you have even read this far through....I just felt the need to write it all out, to hopefully clear my head a bit....to not be so stuck in things.

And don't get me wrong, there are lots of positives. I've had some time off this week to catch up on some things around the house that needed to be done. I start teaching Sunday School again on Sunday. This time the Jr High kids. I'm nervous but excited!

Hubby and I have been enjoying our time together. We've gone out on a few drives just to get away and for him explore and get lost on roads he's never been on before and for me to get some pictures.

I've enjoyed some great talks and good times with a few other close friends and gotten closer to a couple more.

So it's not really all gloom and doom around here. Like I said I just felt the need to write and vent it all out. Make sense of some things. I commend you if you read this whole thing. I don't think I would want to. Ha! But thanks for "listening" if you have.