I've been doing alot of thinking over my little break from blogging and a few things in real life and I have come to realize a few things. I realized that there are two main people who are causing all of the "drama" in my life. I'm not writing this to necessarily "out" anyone or make myself look better than anyone else or make myself feel better, but I learned something about myself during all of this and I just feel the need to write to sort everything out, you know what I mean...I'm still trying to process a few things.
I had distanced myself from one other person late last year after twice she had gotten me mixed up in some of her drama, which her information turned out to be false both times...this person's drama was not little stuff either...at one point she had the police involved and soon after that asked me to lie to her parents about her whereabouts for her....I still have "polite conversation" with her, but I am by no means rushing out to spend a great amount of time with her...and she still seems to resent me for not lying for her. It seems as if she is running from a great number of things and my heart breaks for her. Someday she is going to make a decision that she is not going to be able to take back, and there will be something that she greatly regrets. I know she doesn't have the best home life, but who does?! I most definately did not, but you persevere (unless there is honestly some abuse or you are in physical danger) and get through it and as adults my parents and I have dealt with some things and have come to a sort of an understanding....we are not a real close knit family, I have a few members of my church family who I feel are more family than my actual family, but we have a relationship and we are doing our best.
But the two people that I am dealing with stings a bit. I deal with both of them quite often in many different church and social activities. I am not going to shut them out completely either, but it is sort of strange to look at them now....Person A has alot of family issues. I have always known that and just accepted her for who she was and have always taken some of what she says with a grain of salt. She likes to use alot of "big words" and it's a matter of self importance, but we all have our moments and I can look past that and just know when I need to give myself a little space. But these moments are becoming more often and "bigger". She has started spreading false things about some of my closest church family because she does not agree with some decisons that have been made. Her family has been causing more issues with more and more people in the church, causing hurt feelings and they have said some very unkind things. She is one who "answers" our Pastor during his message, lots of Amens, yes', and mmhmmms.
Person B is someone who I have spent quite alot of time with in the past. I have found lately that she is becoming very judgemental. Things are always black and white. And very harshly, very quickly, and almost angrily. I understand that we need to hold ourselves to certain standards I guess...but if a person has an issue she may judge them as non Christian. If a person drinks, well they must not be a Christian or not a very good one and she will look down on them from then on. It's a holier than thou type of attitude. And she has made statemtents about how she is glad that she doesn't have this issue like that person or make comments condemning that issue with such force....
She is not shy about spreading these judgements either and one her mind is made it is set, you can NOT convince her otherwise! She has now started hanging out with person A and another family that person A hangs out with alot and they have started spreading stories together now. And again this newest story is about one of the people I am closest to in my church family, and indirectly about a second. Person B did not even come and ask me if it was true, she just latched on to it and went running. When she did ask me about it the question came out as more of an accusation, with this tone. She was all "What's the deal about....." and giving me this look. I don't know if she believes what I had to tell her, but I told her the truth. She talks about Person A behind her back all the time. I'm sure that she is talking about me too, but that's not what hurts. I'm the type of person that you can say what you want about me, it hurts, but whatever....but when you start messing with/talking about my friends/family that is when I start getting upset and want to "fight back".
I honestly feel like I am back in high school. People are stirring up drama just to stir up drama. Just to have something to talk about, something to fuss about. Honestly, if this is how Christians are behaving how is this any different from the "world"??!! How is this showing Christ to the watching world??
I am thankful for the wonderful Christian examples that I do have in my life. I am thankful for the wonderful relationships that I have in my life and the terriffic friends and family. I just hate the drama and having to distance myself...I am happy to have some wonderful friends that I can lean on during this time and for all of you reading all of my blabbering while I try to understand and sort it all out. It's been a year of learning for me this year, about others and about myself....I hope and pray that I become a better person and a better Christian for it!