Wednesday, December 13, 2006

With everything going on around here lately I have been thinking alot. Thinking about being thankful for all the blessings that we have, thinking about the past, thinking about the future, just thinking.
One thing that I have realized about myself is that I have gotten used to friendship with conditions. I have gotten so used to people who would be my friend as long as I could do something for them and then after that they had no use for me, I find myself still doing those things to make sure I can keep their friendship and fearing that I have done something to offend them or make them upset with me if someone seems distant. I have also realized that I have been trying to "mainstream" myself to be more accepted as well rather than embracing my fun little quirks. The more I think about it the more I think that if they can't accept me as I am then they really aren't true friends. Now don't go thinking that I'm going to be going out and dramatically changing my personality or anything, just embracing the fun little quirks that make me me. Make any sense at all??
I'm tired of worrying about it all, I just want to relax and have fun with my friends. I know that I do have a few who are true blue friends, those who know the real me and who love me as I am too. I'm going to have fun, not too much fun, I still have my standards, but I'm not going to worry about what someone will think when I show up with bright blue nail polish (or chrome as I painted them this afternoon) or worry that my Disney tshirt is going to be too childish to someone, or wonder if someone will think that I'm truly strange because I can quote certain cartoons or sing almost any Veggie Tales song! I'm not going to try to back out of the piano recital coming up because I think it will look odd, me being the only adult in the group ( this teacher has other adult students, but none playing in the recital) I am just going to have fun with it! That's not saying I won't have a complete panic attack once I get up there, but that's another story!
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is I am going to be me and have fun doing it!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Self-esteem is so hard! It's easy to fall into the trap about worrying what others think. This is something I struggle with as well, I think most woman do. Just be yourself, and try not to worry about others (as hard as that is to do!)