Stuck in the Seatbelt

Wow things got crazy with Christmas! To start things out for the Christmas holiday season this year our church had our annual Christmas program on December 17. In this program all families are able to read a poem or story, sing a song, do a skit, play an instrument, etc. This year we had about 25 things going on for the night and it took about an hour and a half to get through. I sang a song that night, "A Christmas Lullaby" originally sung by Amy Grant. I was the last of the family acts I guess you would call them, after me was a choir song and then the closing prayer. PM gave me a little something to read during the interlude of my song that morning, and although it was read somewhat quickly I read it and the timing went well. I was thankful as I only ran through it about four times doing the reading so I wasn't all that comfortable with it, but everyone said it went well.
That Tuesday, the 19th, was the big Christmas piano recital. Again, I was last on the program and that made me pretty nervous, but I got through it with only a couple mistakes, and they were minor mistakes and I was able to keep playing and not lose my place, so I was pretty happy with that. I was quite shocked and happy and excited that PM came to the recital! His son had a basketball game that night and C and their oldest son, A, went, but PM came to the recital! Once I heard that J had the ballgame I figured that there was no way that he would come and I wanted to run and give him a great big hug when I saw him walk through the doors! I know that I have written about how he is my best friend, he is like a big brother to me, and C a sister. I am the oldest, and none of my family is really close even though I live in the same town as my parents we see each other maybe once a week, if that. PM and C have adopted us into their family and it is rare that we go 24 hours without at least talking to each other, if not seeing each other for some reason or another. PM and C have been there for me in the toughest of times, they helped me through a time when I was ready to give up on church, and possibly on God altogether because the pastor of the church that we had been attending caused some major problems in the church, along with some terribly hurt feelings, and we left the church not knowing where we were going to turn next. K's parents told us to visit our "new" church because they knew that Pastor and his family pretty well, they had come to town about the same time as K's family and some of the younger boys from each family used to hang around together when they were kids. PM and C both came over and talked to us for a good long time and really took an interest in us and wanted to see us get over these hurt feelings and grow in the Lord again. They both listened to me talk an awful lot at different times, not complaining, and giving me advice. Right about the same time a person that I thought was my best friend told me pretty much that she didn't think that I was being a very good friend and really just knocked me down flat. Not literally, but you know what I mean. PM and C both told me that I don't have to be a doormat to be a good Christian. That I don't have to deal with other people's games and emotional abuse and make myself the whipping post that they take their issues out on. They told me that if I stand up for myself and not take that abuse from other people running my self esteem right down into the ground that does not make me a bad person or a bad Christian. Many times even today I hear their voices in my mind in different situations saying "You don't have to be a doormat!" They have helped to build my self esteem back up again, and even to a higher place than it was before. PM has let me sing with the Worship Team and solos for special music, helping with powerpoint for his messages, I have helped with the email prayer chain, I have been sending out cards to people in the church for different occasions, teaching Sunday School, being an Awana leader, just feeling like I really do have some worth, like I really do have a special place, I am not all alone. Both PM and C remind me of this often, even yesterday in his message one statement really hit me, he said....."if Jesus thought we were worth enough to die on the cross, why are we arguing with Him?".....I almost started to cry right there. They took K and I to a Minnesota Twins baseball game and to a Mark Lowry concert this summer, took us out to the driving range at our local golf course and was teaching me to swing and was encouraging when I would do well, giving me a high five and saying way to go! My parents had too much going on themselves to do things like this with/for us growing up, and even now. My Mom had a rare type of polio when I was young and she has had alot of health problems and difficulties due to this, and my Dad was trying to do his best for ourfamily and was a workaholic and there would be weeks at a time where I would not see him due to his job. He would get up before I got up each morning and would come home well after I went to bed. We get along now, but we are not close. They included us on C's birthday and many times we have had one of their boys overnight for different reasons, or for an evening or something. We go to the boys ballgames and concerts and things and we just hang out together alot. When K's Grandfather died and he went to Ohio and I stayed home for the four days that he was gone they took care of me, they had me over or supper and to stick around and visit two of the nights, one was PM's birthday and they included me in on his family birthday celebration. I have never been on my own, I went from living with my parents to getting married at 19, and this time he was gone doubled the time that we have spent apart in our nine years of marriage so I was quite hesitant about the whole thing, but they helped me out alot and made it alot easier. When K's uncle died in December and he was gone for most of the day after church that evening they took me out to the movie (they were planning to go with one of their sons and then asked me to go along) to help the time pass while he was gone. They have told us at different times that we are family now, and that they love us, and we have tolld them the same thing at different times as well. We don't even say that in my family really. And K's family is 9 hours away, and there have been little rifts there as well, although they do seem to be getting better. I can not even find the appropriate words to express how thankful I am for PM, C, and their family. I just hope that I can show them how much I truly do appreciate them, the older sibilings that I never had, and that they do know how thankful I am for them and how much I do love them.