A realization

I came to a decision this morning. It was a difficult one, but I have prayed about this, I have thought about it alot, and I left it in God's hands, I wouldn't make a decision one way or another until He showed me which way to go. I hated the decision that I may have to make, but I realized God knew best and that I needed to listen and obey just like I tell my kiddos they need to!
Well, last night I was doing some thinking and the main thought that stuck in my mind was walk away. I had a peace with it and so had about 75 percent decided to walk away. Well, the Lord knew I needed that sign, that little something to seal my decision that last 25 percent and as I was doing my devotions this morning what should the title be to the devotional for today??? I'm sure you have guessed; WALKING AWAY!!!! And a few sentences really hit home; "During difficult times, our stability comes from the presence and peace of God . Because He goes with us, we can walk into the future with confidence.~David McCasland" and a little poem they always include; I never walk alone, Christ walks beside me, With such a Friend to comfort and to guide me, I never, no, I never walk alone~Ackley. Wow! If that isn't a message! So I have decided that as much as I hate it this is what I need to do, I need to walk away from this "friendship".
I guess it hasn't been much of a friendship for a while. Is it a friendship when you feel like you can't be who you really are? Is it a friendship if you feel like if you say the wrong thing you will be chastized and made to feel a fool? Is it a friendship when the conversation is one sided and when you tell that other person of the death of a person you were once close to there is no sympathy and the conversation is soon turned back to the other person? Is it a friendship when you constantly feel manipulated? Is it a friendship if they are negatively affecting your self confidence? Is it a friendship when everything must be on their terms? Is it a friendship when you feel like you can do or say nothing right? Is it a friendship when they will not forgive you for something, when they hold on to it and keep using it against you? Is it a friendship when they never apologize? I have tried, it really hurts to think about walking away actually as this person has been such a big part of my life for such a long time. I would really and truly love nothing less than the friendship being restored and for us to be happy as friends, but I really don't see that happening.
In all this I feel a deeper commitment to my God. This is a reminder that He cares for us even in all the little things, He does answer prayer; even if it isn't in the way WE think it should be or the answer that we WANT, and when we follow Him he blesses us. It was a difficult and sad decision but as I have made it I can't tell you the joy that He has filled my heart with. And just when I thought it couldn't get any better I get encouragement from two people leaving comments on my last entry. I was thinking alot about it and wondering if before if I was truly showing my Christianity to others, to borrow a phrase from another good friend of mine, was I about my Father's work? And amazingly, another answer to prayer in one of the comments from one specific person! I now feel a greater desire/ a greater confidence in letting my light shine instead of hiding it under a bushel! I have this confidence that I really can be that light for Him! I no longer have the fear of being belittled! I truly feel free!
I realize that this is an unfortunate statement in it does not seem as if I am mourning this friendship, because I am, but I feel I am being blessed for following Jesus. I have started my own personal journal on paper as well and I think that this has also helped alot, I have been able to hash out all my feelings instead of holding them in.
This is really getting to be alot longer than I was expecting so I will close in saying this: OOUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!!!!!!!!